“When entangled, you unconsciously carry the feelings, symptoms, behaviors, or hardships of an earlier member of your family system as if these were your own.” Mark Wolynn.

My next several posts are going to be around the concept of trauma. Trauma is a word that is frequently used, potentially over-used, and definitely not clearly understood. What is trauma? Can someone heal from trauma? Is trauma a past event or a current experience of a past event? What happens when a person avoids trauma…and what are the natural ramifications from this? As a mental health professional who actively works with the pediatric population, my goal and hope is to help family systems “unentangle” and get to a place where lives can be lived in a less reactionary way.

Let’s discuss the definition of trauma. Bessel van der Kolk defines trauma as an overwhelmingly disturbing event that overwhelms an individual’s capacity to cope, leaving a lasting “imprint” on the mind and body, which can result in being stuck in a state of threat or helplessness even after the event has passed. Trauma is not solely the external event but the way the body and brain respond to it, causing physiological and psychological changes that interfere with a person’s ability to regulate emotions and remain present in the here and now.

One of the key components of working through trauma is building the capacity to manage the chronic feelings of unsafety that legitimately have come from a traumatic event. Easier said than done, huh?!

“Still, all is not silent: words, images, and impulses that fragment following a traumatic event reemerge to form a secret language of our suffering we carry with us. Nothing is lost. The pieces have just been rerouted.” Mark Wolynn

One of the most challenging parts of healing from trauma is the emotional pain that we feel when thinking about it. Most people want to live happy lives and not be burdened by reliving their painful past. Yet, the painful past is not lost. Even when we try and avoid thinking about it, symptoms are going to come out in different ways with different behaviors. It is a frustratingly annoying part of having to deal with the pain that was not our fault. Wolynn discusses more here… “The notion that we inherit and “relive” aspects of family trauma has been the subject of many books by the renowned German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger. Having studied families for more than fifty years, first as a Catholic priest and later as a family therapist and philosopher, Hellinger teaches that we share a family consciousness with our biological family members who come before us. He has observed that traumatic events, such as the premature death of a parent, sibling, or child or an abandonment, crime, or suicide, can exert a powerful influence over us, leaving an imprint on our entire family system for generations. These imprints then become the family blueprint as family members unconsciously repeat the sufferings of the past.”

So, in my opinion, having a mindset of “problem solver” and “overcomer” versus “problem avoider” and “victim” can be helpful in learning to manage trauma. While people who go through trauma ARE victims and RIGHTFULLY want to avoid the pain the trauma has caused, this can lead to unintended outcomes. I plan on continuing to post on trauma recovery over these next several posts. Have a great Wednesday!

P.S. Lets make it a little lighter…

Why did the doctor say “ahhh” to my injury? Because it was acute trauma.