Anxiety is a treatable condition that affects millions of people every day. The goal is not to eliminate all anxiety but to manage distress that interferes with daily life. Parents play a critical role by developing the right mindset, building confidence in their children, and using practical strategies and tools to help kids overcome anxiety challenges.

Click here to watch the YouTube video! This is a 35 minute parenting primer on managing childhood anxiety, with specific actionable steps to consider for immediate relief for your kiddo. This is an educational toolset for parents to tackle childhood anxiety through practical solutions. This is not a “magic bullet” post; managing anxiety is hard work with ups and downs!
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Understanding Anxiety
What is Anxiety?

• Definition: A feeling of fear, worry, and unease ranging from mild to severe
• Normal vs. Disorder: Everyone experiences anxiety; it becomes a disorder when it severely interferes with daily life
• Prevalence: Most common mental health disorder in the United States, affecting millions of adults and children
  Two Types of Anxiety to Manage

1. Eustress (Good Anxiety)
   ◦ Keeps the world moving
   ◦ Motivates us to get up, go to school/work, move forward positively
   ◦ Necessary for functioning
2. Distress (Bad Anxiety)
   ◦ Stops kids from reaching their purpose and potential
   ◦ Obstacle-forming and habit-reinforcing
   ◦ Prevents capable people from doing developmentally appropriate tasks
   ◦ Goal: Manage and reduce distres
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   Types of Anxiety Disorders

• Generalized Anxiety Disorder: Excessive, persistent worry about everyday life with no discernible triggers
• Social Anxiety: Intense fear of being judged or embarrassed in social situations (e.g., attending birthday parties)
• Panic Disorder: Intense fear of having panic attacks; recurrent and unexpected panic attacks
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Triggered by traumatic events; characterized by intrusive thoughts
• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Compulsive thoughts and repetitive behaviors
• Specific Phobias: Intense fear of specific things (snakes, spiders, flying, etc.)
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  Causes of Anxiety
  Genetic Factors
• Family history of anxiety increases likelihood
• Highly anxious parents tend to pass anxiety to children
• Parent Action: Educate yourself on managing this tendency
  Lifestyle Factors
• Poor diet, lack of exercise, substance abuse
• Highly processed foods, sugar, and caffeine impact the nervous system
• Regular, healthy exercise generally improves mood and reduces anxiety
  Environmental Factors
• High-crime neighborhoods
• Poorly run schools
• Homes with high conflict and instability
• Note: Low-stress environments don’t guarantee low anxiety; stable parenting matters more
  Traumatic Events
• Death of loved ones
• Natural disasters
• School shootings, war, and other crises
• Important: Trauma is not just a past experience; for many, it’s an ongoing experience carried daily
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  Signs and Symptoms of Anxiety in Children
  Emotional Symptoms
• Feeling overwhelmed (“This is too much,” “I don’t have what it takes”)
• Difficulty concentrating; racing or cycling thoughts
• Irritability and short temper
• Difficulty making easy decisions (what to eat, where to sleep, etc.)
• Avoidance of certain activities or situations
  Physical Symptoms
• Increased heart rate
• Sweating (hands, armpits)
• Trembling
• Headaches
• Nausea and stomach aches
• Diarrhea
• Difficulty sleeping (chronic inability to rest)
  Behavioral Symptoms
• Restlessness and nervous energy
• Constant motion and movement
• Procrastination leading to last-minute rushes
• Shutting down or quitting activities
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  Creating the Right Mindset as a Parent
  Key Principle: “I Think I Can”
• Children pick up cues from parents about how to frame problems
• Parents model problem-solving and stress management
• Critical: Believe your child can do difficult things, even when they say they cannot
  Avoid Limiting Beliefs
• Ineffective: “Billy is my anxious child. He cannot order food. He won’t try new things.”
• Effective: “Billy is continuing to build confidence. He is working on developing ideas to try new things. Billy is an overcomer. He feels things big but refuses to give up.”
  Check Your Own Anxiety
• Is your anxiety or lack of confidence impacting your approach?
• Did you struggle with similar fears growing up?
• Important: Before asking your child to conquer a fear, model conquering it yourself
• Children need to see success modeled by someone who has done it before them
  Avoid False Limitations
• Parents sometimes accept limitations based on their own childhood experiences
• A task that was difficult for you may be achievable for your child
• Example: If you couldn’t order food as a child, your child still might be able to
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  Reframing Diagnosis
• Diagnosis (generalized anxiety, social anxiety, specific phobias) are descriptive labels, not life sentences
• Diagnosis should lead to understanding, not to “I cannot”
• Goal: Use diagnosis to find solutions, not to emphasize the problem
• Focus on specific language that builds problem-solving mindsets
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  Actionable Steps: Building Competency
  The Two-Minute Rule (James Clear, Atomic Habits)
• New habits can be formed in under two minutes
• Goal: Help kids develop brain pathways that say “yes” instead of “no”
• Start small and easy to build confidence and momentum
  Create a Team Approach

1. Make a specific, actionable plan
2. Create a team identity to conquer the problem together
3. Ask your child: “How can I support you?”
4. Work at their current level, not where you wish they were
   ◦ If at ground zero, move to level one
   ◦ Don’t push for level five if they’re at level two
5. Provide lots of encouragement with each step
6. Focus on process, not outcome
   SMART Goals Framework

• Specific: Clearly define the goal (e.g., “Stay in bed for the whole night”)
• Measurable: Identify progress indicators (e.g., “Can they stay 10 minutes? 1 hour?”)
• Attainable: Is the goal realistic for your child right now?
• Realistic: Can most kids accomplish this task?
• Time-Bound: Set weekly goals; reassess every weekend
  Weekly Review Process
• Spend 10-15 minutes at end of each week assessing progress
• Ask: Was the goal too easy? Too difficult?
• Modify as needed
• Focus on teamwork throughout
  Motivation Strategies
• Positive incentives work for some children
• Intrinsic motivation (personal satisfaction) works for others
• If child is stalling, one of the five SMART indicators may be inaccurate; return to drawing board
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  Coping Skills
  Three Main Categories

1. Physical Coping Skills
   ◦ Exercise, yoga, running, deep breathing
   ◦ Sports (football, basketball, tennis)
2. Cognitive Coping Skills
   ◦ Framing negative thoughts
   ◦ Challenging irrational beliefs
   ◦ Learning to push back on anxious brain patterns
3. Emotional Coping Skills
   ◦ Journaling
   ◦ Talking to trusted friends
   ◦ Expressing emotions in healthy ways
   Effective Resources for Children

• Distraction
• Exercise
• Deep breathing
• Positive self-talk
• Friendship support
• Family support
• Prayer and community
• Journaling
  Key Point
• Find coping skills that work best for your child
• Experiment with different approaches
• Parents can teach coping skills; professional help is optional but beneficial
• See yourself as part of the solution
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  Constructive Thinking Strategies
  Positive/Constructive Thinking
• Not Pollyanna solutions: Life is legitimately hard
• Goal: Frame challenges so anxiety doesn’t consume daily joy and life satisfaction
  Steps to Implement

1. Recognize negative thoughts causing anxiety
2. Challenge the thoughts: Are they true or just appearing?
3. Replace with positive thoughts: If fear is unrealistic, replace it with success visualization
4. Focus on effort: Help child visualize doing well and remember preparation efforts
5. Create action plans: For future challenges, focus on process, not fear
   Mindfulness Technique: 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding

• Identify 5 shapes (squares, circles, triangles) in your room
• Helps someone feel grounded and less overwhelmed/panicked in the moment
  Practice Gratitude
• Shift from hyper-focus on present worry
• Remember gifts and blessings in life
• Helpful strategy to overcome anxiety
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  Discipline and Anxiety
  When NOT to Discipline Harshly
• Common mistake: Parent’s fear triggers disproportionate consequences
• Small errors (white lies, minor mistakes) get magnified due to parent’s fear
• Example: Poor grades become “You won’t have a successful career”
• Result: Ineffective; kids learn to hide worries, create push-back, and emotional reactions prevent problem-solving
  Creating a Vicious Cycle
• Large-scale threats that don’t match the child’s error
• Kids and parents stop trusting each other
• Problem-solving ability decreases
  Effective Discipline Approach
• Stay calm when your trigger happens
• Work through your own feelings first
• Remind yourself of your parenting role
• Provide structure and predictability for your child
• Remain consistent in approach
• Check yourself before and after situations
• Help link cause and effect so child learns from mistakes
• Use appropriate language and avoid being harsh or overbearing
  Long-Term Benefits
• With practice over time, children are more likely to trust you
• Need for consequences around meltdowns and poor behavior decreases
• Continue working as a team
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  When to Seek Professional Help
  Types of Professional Helpers
• Licensed counselors
• Coaches
• Faith leaders
• Teachers
• Mentors
• Extended family members
  Common Treatment Options
  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
• Focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors
• Helps identify and challenge negative thoughts
• Develops coping strategies
• Important: Child must buy into the process
  Exposure Therapy
• Gradually exposes individual to source of anxiety
• Helps manage anxiety in safe, controlled environment
• Step-by-step approach
  Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)
• Gold standard for OCD and OCD-related disorders
• More effective than supportive talk therapy for OCD
• Research shows it’s most effective for obsessive-compulsive disorder
  Medication
• Requires consultation with pediatrician or child-adolescent psychiatrist
• Consider when appropriate
  Finding the Right Fit
• Not every therapist is right for every child
• Important to find good match as a person
• Setting up consultation and determining course of action can itself reduce anxiety symptoms
  Benefits of Professional Help
• Accurate diagnosis
• Personalized treatment plan
• Specific, fine-tuned coping strategies
• Wealth of professional experience
• Support and guidance for parents
• Help managing child’s anxiety and parent’s own anxiety
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  Comprehensive Treatment Approaches
  Lifestyle and Behavioral Changes
• Regular, vigorous exercise
• Healthier eating (less sugar, less caffeine)
• Faith and spirituality
• Supportive community
• Positive self-talk
• Self-education and personal growth
• Guided exposure therapy
• Supportive counseling
  Key Message
  “Anxiety is treatable. With the right support, mindset, and treatment, it’s possible to manage anxiety and help lead a healthy and fulfilling life for our kids.”
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  Final Summary and Action Steps
  Core Principles

1. Anxiety is treatable; things can get better
2. Start with mindset: Believe your child can do difficult things
3. Encourage buy-in: If child isn’t buying in, find something they will
4. Develop SMART goals to build confidence
5. Provide additional helpers (mentors, counselors, coaches) if needed
6. Don’t give up: Stay hopeful and persistent
   Parent’s Role

• Model overcoming fears
• Build confidence in child’s mindset
• Focus on process, not outcome
• Work as a team
• Manage your own anxiety and triggers
• Provide structure and consistency
• Celebrate small wins
  Remember
• Managing anxiety is hard work with ups and downs
• Practice over time leads to better results
• Children are more likely to trust and follow through when parents remain calm and consistent
• Professional help can be beneficial but isn’t always necessary

Thank you for coming here to read and learn! Jarrod